just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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