I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
