I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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