she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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