return my video game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
