Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize