i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
