It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
