1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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