ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ladies don't puke and tell
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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