Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i have two assholes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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