I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize