i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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