wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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