i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
