You smell like a Billy Joel song
and she was petting her beer can
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
