my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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