Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
