So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
