my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
