just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
