Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
