did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
