the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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