so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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