i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
