My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
