i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
