the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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