Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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