I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
