Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
