Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
