I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
