if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
too bad you live with your parents still
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
