At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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