it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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