"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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