When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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