You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
