my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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