Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
