im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
