i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
