I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
