Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
