I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
