the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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