btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
