ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
