Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
