Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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