party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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