I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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