That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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