Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
