I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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