Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
