i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
