I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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