Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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