i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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