"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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