Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
