I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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