You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
