We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
