this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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