Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
