my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
is it fun? or sober?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
