its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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