My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
a search helicopter?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
