Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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