well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize