i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
