Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
