Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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