How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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