I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
