Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
