I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
