capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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