Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
