I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
