Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
