She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
