ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
