Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pants are for mortals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
