She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
