Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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