Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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