oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
