$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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