It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
