I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
