This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
