allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
