y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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