walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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